


Talk Too Much

by acatagirl



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan/Connor if you squint, Implied/Reference Suicide Attempt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acatagirl/pseuds/acatagirl
Summary: It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t. When Evan climbed the tree in the park he didn’t plan on jumping. He didn’t plan on letting go. It just happened. He’d thought about it, sure, but he never thought he’d have the courage to actually do it.





	Talk Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> It's late and I'm too tired to proof-read this. If you see any mistakes please let me know!
> 
> Evan/Connor if you squint. More so the beginning of their relationship, where no one dies and ends up happy in the end woo!!

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? When _you_ fall in a forest and there’s no one around do you even make a sound?

 

It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t. When Evan climbed the tree in the park he didn’t plan on jumping. He didn’t plan on letting go. It just happened. He’d thought about it, sure, but he never thought he’d have the courage to actually do it.

 

It was an early morning in the park, heavy fog brushing the grass and choking out any possible sunlight. The park wasn’t deserted, the occasionally runner passing by. In an effort to see _some_ kind of sun Evan climbed. He climbed with careful steps and shaking hands desperate to get to the top. 

 

He sat perched at the top of the tree and looked around. Gray clouds pervaded the air and smothered the dampness of the morning. He watched at dew drops slide off the pine needles of the branch next to him. His shoes were damp from the wet grass and a faint breeze caused his skin to form goosebumps. It was quiet. The kind of quiet that rings and sets you on edge. _“It would be a peaceful way to go.”_ He thinks. Evan adjusts his grip on the branch, his knuckles scrape on the bark and turn red. He looks down. It’s far, it could work. So Evan closes his eyes and leans back. 

 

When you fall in a forest and there’s no one around do you even make a sound?

 

He hits the ground with a guttural noise. He can’t feel his left arm and the rest of him feels numb, but in a different way. _“Someone is going to find me. They’ll ask questions and I’ll have to answer those questions and I might have to tell them the truth- I’m really bad at lying and if I don’t want a lot of questions then I should lie but I just-”_ He desperately tries to shut that train of thought down to no avail. _“Someone will come. Someone will find me. Someone will help me.”_ He thinks. 

 

It’s been ten minutes. 

 

Twenty minutes. 

 

Twenty three minutes.

 

Twenty four minu- Someone’s coming. 

 

A dark figure emerges from the fog. _“Is that Connor Murphy?”_ Evan wonders. He doesn't know much about Connor, but he does know that most of it isn’t positive. People at school don’t like Connor, people at school don’t like Evan either, so at least there’s something they have in common. 

 

“Are you alright?” Connor asks. Evan tries to shrug, the movement jarring his arm. The shock is beginning to wear off and he’s starting to get a little concerned. “You look a bit rough.” Evan tries to move his arm, wincing at the sharp pain that shoots up it. Connor kneels down beside Evan. “Are you going to say anything?” He asks.

 

_“If I say anything I’ll start babbling and I haven’t decided if I’m going to lie or not and I don’t want to upset Connor Murphy but I don’t want to be rude and I kinda need some help but getting help means lying and god we’ve come full circle again haven’t we?”_ Evan thinks. He looks up at Connor and is a bit shocked by the amount of concern he sees in his eyes. _“He’s got kind eyes.”_ And now he realizes that he's blatantly staring at Connor and he still hasn’t said anything and his arm is really starting to hurt and- shit, he doesn’t want to cry in front of Connor. 

 

“Hey- hey it’s okay, just breathe a little.” Connor says frantically. And now he’s bordering on an anxiety attack. Great. “What happened?” He asks.

 

“I uh, I fell.” Evan replies, not meeting his eyes. “I was climbing this tree— I really like climbing them and looking around, there are some really nice views in this part of the park and there’s a lot of nice trees here too.” He continues. “I guess my foot slipped or something and now I’m here and I think my arm is broken. I really didn’t think anyone was going to come so I um— thanks for that.”

 

Connor looks at him, he really looks at him. It feels like he can see right through Evan like those clear sheets his middle school teachers used to write on with the old projectors. His emotions are scrawled all over him and he desperately wishes he could wash them away and start fresh and new and not fucked up and filled with anxiety. Connor moves forward to help Evan up, but he flinches away. “Oh— sorry. Wow, I uh. Um. I didn't mean to do that— sorry. Thank you for helping me. Ow— sorry.” Evan winces.

 

Together, Connor and Evan get up. Evan holds his arm against his chest, trying not to jostle it. “We should get you to the hospital— Evan, right?” Connor asks. Evan nods, a little surprised thatsomeone in this town knows him. “Well Evan, my car is that way.” He places a hand on the small of Evan’s back and leads the way. It’s quiet again. Nothing but the sound of their feet brushing through the grass. Somewhere are birds, singing, trying to tell the world that it’s a beautiful morning when everything in Evan’s mind tells him it’s the opposite. Connor’s car is in sight, he unlocks it and they get in.

 

_“You need to say something.”_ He thinks. _“But it’s been quiet for too long. It’ll be weird if I say something. But if I don’t say something then it’ll only become even more uncomfortable and—”_

“You think a lot, don't you?” Connor asks, interrupting his thoughts. 

 

Evan does a weird little half laugh, “I guess so. It’s a matter of saying it or thinking it and I’ve come to realize that I think in these long run on sentences and if I say it out loud I usually weird people out which makes it kinda tough because I have all these thoughts that I want to say but if I say them then people will stop listening and— I’m doing it aren't I?” He sighs. Connor looks at him and smiles at him, close lipped and small. “Oh god— I’m weirding you out aren't I? God— I always do this, you were probably just trying to be nice and now it’s backfired and now you’ve been roped into helping the weird kid— why were you even in the park so early anyway? Oh, sorry. I um, I— thank you. For this.”

 

“I don’t mind. And I needed to get out of the house.” Connor says. “I have trouble sleeping and once I’m up, I’m up for good.” Thirty two seconds of awkward silence goes by. “I have a lot of trouble with a lot of things. Sleeping, anger, drugs— that kind of thing.” 

 

Evan hums in response. The hospital is only a few blocks away, his mom’s shift should be ending soon. _“Hey mom! Look what I did while you were gone!”_ God, his mom is going to be upset. She worries enough about him as is. 

 

Silence. The radio is on low, you can hear the hum of the engine and the wind outside the windows. They stop at a red light. _“Say something. Say something. Say something. Say something. SAY SOMETHING.”_

 

“I was trying to kill myself.” Evan blurts. Oh god. Wow. That wasn’t what he meant to say. Connor’s looking at him again. “Sorry— that wasn’t, I didn’t mean to say that.”

 

“It’s okay.” 

 

“What?”

 

“It’s okay. I—uh. I understand.” Connor slowly pushes up a sleeve of his hoodie. White scars line his forearm. There’s a long line down his arm and Evan tries not to think of just how severe this is. “Tried twice, I’m working on it.” He pulls down his sleeve. The light turns green. They pull into the hospital parking lot. Connor follows him into the emergency room and waits until he's signed in. 

 

They stand in the hospital lobby and look at each other. They learned too much about each other too quickly. How do you respond to something like that. They sit. For a while in silence, Connor picks up a magazine and reads title of a cheesy article. Evan laughs and the air between them seems to lighten. It’s nice. It’s nice to be noticed and to be talked to. They trade bits and pieces of their life story and it feels like something like a friendship is forming but Evan doesn’t dare to get his hopes up. The woman behind the counter calls him in, they stand up together. Connor pulls his keys out and turns to leave. 

 

“Thank you. For coming to get me. And for listening to me.” Evan says.

 

Connor smiles. A real smile. A flash of white teeth, a stark contrast to the tight lipped smile he gave Evan earlier. “No problem. I really enjoyed this. I’ll see you at school, alright Evan?” He replies. Evan smiles and nods. 

 

“I’ll see you there.”

 

And everything might begin to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the over use of commas, run-on sentences, and dashes!!
> 
> You can find me here:
> 
> sunshine-bravado.tumblr.com :)


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